I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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