apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
