Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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