I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
wow bdsm is so cute
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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