watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
