I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
