Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
