i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
