I have demons in me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm passing your future prison.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
