whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
