I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
