Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
