Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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