Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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