If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
