Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
