somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
