the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
