i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
