this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
