it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
