he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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