you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
