Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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