is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
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I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
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Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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