Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

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  (212): I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out" http://tfl.nu/blqb
  Replies (29) Good night (8866) Bad night (1074)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.

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  (716): I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were. http://tfl.nu/cyr9
  Replies (19) Good night (4874) Bad night (789)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.

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  (540): I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him. http://tfl.nu/377w
  Replies (31) Good night (1759) Bad night (5996)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.

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  (720): He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim. http://tfl.nu/2u9p
  Replies (8) Good night (3650) Bad night (1317)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes

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  (208): the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes http://tfl.nu/a563
  Replies (18) Good night (3536) Bad night (1678)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.

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  (706): Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon. http://tfl.nu/nu6w
  Replies (18) Good night (1388) Bad night (1810)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"

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  (631): I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good" http://tfl.nu/jrza
  Replies (13) Good night (1916) Bad night (928)
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  (760): View more from California

  This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes

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  (760): This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes http://tfl.nu/v44x
  Replies (2) Good night (1305) Bad night (665)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..

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  (660): I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won.. http://tfl.nu/18ev
  Replies (4) Good night (1094) Bad night (463)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner

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  (813): Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner http://tfl.nu/zbhu
  Replies (5) Good night (961) Bad night (370)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.

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  (612): I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises. http://tfl.nu/ns4w
  Replies (2) Good night (543) Bad night (374)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?

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  (+44): HELP! How do I get paint off the dog? http://tfl.nu/myj5
  Replies (6) Good night (398) Bad night (554)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.

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  (270): Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out. http://tfl.nu/zbp1
  Replies (1) Good night (315) Bad night (202)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.

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  (248): Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again. http://tfl.nu/st7o
  Replies (0) Good night (433) Bad night (179)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought

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  (406): 1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought http://tfl.nu/94t9
  Replies (2) Good night (315) Bad night (251)

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