Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.