Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
