Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
