the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
