Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
