ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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