Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
