I can tuck mytits in my pants
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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