im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize