My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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