I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i've created a new STD.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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