Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
