Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
sex in a hospital.. check
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
