I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We had to coat check the pizza.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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