I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
