dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
