Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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