im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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