How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
