my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
