dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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