Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
