can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
