Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
