I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
