He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
