pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
