I cannot find my penis.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
