Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
