honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
