we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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