you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
