I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
