It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
