i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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