Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
