if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I smell stomach acid.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
