I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
