I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
