Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
