Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
