I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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