ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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