Christians are straight up FREAKS
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I can text with my tongue
Quick, to the slutcave!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
