I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ladies don't puke and tell
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
