Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
