So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
