She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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