coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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