Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
God I need to hump something, right now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
