..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
